Everyone in the world wants to be happy. Happiness is associated with peace. When we have peace in our hearts, we are happy. When we do not have peace, we are not happy.
To have peace, it all boils down to some fundamental values of loving, trusting, honestly, understanding, patience and the like.
Whether we may single or engaged or already has got a spouse, happiness is the quality in life that we all long for. Happiness is not accessed easily but one has to work for. To maintain happiness in life, one has to put an extra effort of self-control.
For example, to have my happiness, I have to understand a person. Having the understanding that people are different with different views and agendas in life will help us to discipline our heart from being hurt. A person’s strength might be weakness to me and my strength might be weakness to somebody.
To maintain my happiness, I have to be patience with a person. Being patient is being self-control. I do not expect people to be there for me all the time, neither be on my side nor agree to what I have. As I have said, my strengths can become weaknesses in other people’s eyes.
God's ways of getting People's Attention
It is so easy to control a computer in front of you. When your computer freezes, you can put the power off manually and computer will not talk back. However, it is quite hard to control people because they can talk back. You can not just put their switches off manually. You will Never!
But I found only one way. The only way we can get the attention of the people we have around in our life is to deal with them in God’s way. The God's ways are outlined in Galatians 5:22-23.
When we are being patient or gentle with the people, they can have convictions within themselves. They begin to be thankful or apologize for not only that you were being patient or gentle but they have learnt some important qualities from you.
One of the institutions throughout the world that is vulnerable and susceptible to sadness and unhappiness is the Marriage.
The first quality that starts, sustains and stabilizes the marriage institution is the love.
One can come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. That was what God did when He sent Jesus for us. God loved us not that we were perfect but He saw us in His love, the imperfect people perfectly. Love is kind, love is patient, love is giving and the list goes on.
The second fundamental quality in the marriage institution is trust. If the trust is broken among the two married couples, it will take a long time to mend or it can never be mended.
Trust is the word I define as believing in a person that he/she should not do what is not supposed to be done and do what is supposed to be done. In other words, trust is seeing a person not close to your sight being honest and faithful.
Trust and Technology
Today, as the technology increases at an alarming rate, the means of communication makes easier. However, there are some inconveniences associated with Technology. Understanding these associated inconveniences will keep you from hurt and keep trusting your spouse.
I have counseled couple of married couples on this very issue. When the husband calls the wife on her mobile phone at her work place during the lunch hour, a voice of a man was heard. Or it might be the vice versa. A man or a woman who really trusts his/her spouse will come up with the following reasons instead of outlining negative outcomes.
- The mobile signal must have intercepted and signal was not good
- The mobile phone must have been stolen or misplaced or dropped
The possible ways the other spouse is to find out by calling her landline phone, or calling her colleagues if their numbers are known. However, most spouses fail on this and come up with negative ideas. The end result is the heated-up argument at home where there is no peace that leads to unhappiness.
It will also be the same when the two couples are chatting or sending emails through computers. We can expect inconvenience anytime with the increase of technology.
In these two scenarios, trust plays a vital role. No one told us that technology will improve our trust for each other. It only tests our trust even when communication is made so easy and possible.
If you can cultivate a greater understanding of the nature of your relationship, and focus on doing what you can to improve them rather than on the blame, you will be well ony your way to a world of greater peace and friendship for your happiness.
A Virtuous Wife
When God said ‘who can find a virtuous wife’ in Proverbs 31:10, He did not forget husbands either. Both the husband and wife are precious in His sight and He treats them on same basis.
We read in Proverbs 20:6 that ‘many men will proclaim his own goodness but who can find a faithful man. His children are blessed after him'.
Both the man and woman are needed to be found. And to ‘find', it involves a lot of processes which we will share next time. World's view of looking at a person is different from how God sees.
A Responsible Husband
In my view, when a woman is not yet married, they do concern and care about their future; whom they will marry, where they will live and how they will raise up their family. Woman wants her husband to be responsible, provide for her and the family and the husband is her guarantee of security.
A man sometimes thinks about marriage when he is still single but does not show deep concern.
But the opposite event takes place after the marriage. Man becomes a much more concern husband while the woman feels secured under the man's umbrella. But she works hand-in-hand and side-by-side with her husband.
The old saying that said “Be very careful in making a woman cry because God counts her tears. Woman came out from the man's rib:
- Not from the head to be superior
- Not from the feet to be stepped on
- But from the side to be equal
- Under the arm to be protected
- And at the heart's side to be loved
Know that most of the time, woman uses her heart to make decisions but man uses his mind to make decsions. I learnt that to handle things, we should use our minds but to handle people, we should use our hearts. And that is loving-caring is all about.
10 Golden Rules for Happy Marriages
2. Never both be angry at the same time. Soft answer turns away wrath. Sometimes silence is a powerful weapon to win the war, Provb 15:1.
4. If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your mate, Eph 5:33.
(vi). Try to figure out something about your spouse that always makes you angry or make you to always judge your spouse for saying or doing it. During one conversation, just listen to him/her without judging them with words or even in your mind. What did you discover?
(viii). Break the walls between you and your spouse. Try to examine what walls you've built to keep out your spouse. It might be that you "close down" and retrieve when there's conflict between the two of you. It might be that you are afraid to ask for what you want. Try to bring all these under a round-table of discussion.
(e). Blessed are they who remember to thank God for their food before they partake of it, and who set apart some time each day for the reading of the Bible and for prayer.